d a r k s i d e

What a crazy few days. Today is the first day all break where I didn't have something planned. It was nice and relaxing. But doing stuff rocks. For example:

Friday was practice with Eris, this time +Gannett but -Elizabeth. Bad, bad Elizabeth. Much Adam-awe at whammy pedal. Mmmmwhammy. I wrote an embarrassingly 80s-video game sounding little thing. It makes me laugh. The practice was fun, if extremely un-productive. We did play a lot, just nothing we were planning to play for SGR. It was more a hanging-out-with-instruments than a practice. After, Kate and Katie and I saw Peter Pan. It was good, not mind blowingly awesome, but no complaints. I only ate half of the Reese's Pieces I got. That's why always get them at movies, they last. They bother Kate, though. But I care not.

Saturday was fun, I went to breakfast with Bruno's family at this place in Virginia, and they had really good ribs. After that Bruno and I went to Capture the Flag, and we played, and it was fun, and Bruno is actually surprisingly good at it, if only defense (not that I can say much, I suck at offense, but I kick ass defending. No one cares.) THEN we went to the CD Game Exchange, and I sold Disclaimer - Seether, Transistor - 311, and yes, VOIVOD. And in EXCHANGE I got In Utero - Nirvana, Core - Stone Temple Pilots, Dookie - Green Day, and Strictly Commercial - Frank Zappa. Yay! We went back to Bruno's and ate failed sandwiches and watched RAtM Live at the Olympic Auditorium, and naturally, it rocked. We didn't watch the whole thing, cuz Bruno is a poophead. We DID watch all of Dogma, though. I love that movie.

I had practice with Obelisk on Sunday. Alex wasn't there, so it was a lot more peaceful, but Eric and Ian were there, so it was a lot less practice, like I said, more of a hanging-out-with-instruments. But still fun. I hung out with Nessa and we talked a lot. I felt kinda bad, because Ian was right there and Nessa is focusing all her attention on me. Oh, well. Then I went home and Bruno came over at 4 and we went to Fugitive and Jeff and Carter and Juli and Nessa were there and it was fun. I was a fugitive for the first game and it took two people two hold me down, and I only surrendered because Jeff was sitting on my chest, which was facing up, and Bruno was sitting on my hip, which was facing to the side, effectively twisting me apart like...Something you twist apart. And I managed to not break my glasses despite all the violence, but then I put then down so I can fix my hair, and in the 2 minutes they are on the car that was jail, Bruno sits on them and pops a lens out and breaks the frame. Damn you! Then I'm a cop and Jeff is a fugitive, and I catch him in a corner, so he throws a fence at my face. A FENCE! AT MY FACE! Damn you too! Afterwards we went to Nessa's hung out and listened to STP and Frank Zappa (yay!).

Private message: It was wrong to say I wasn't sorry. I am sorry, not sorry for turning you down, but sorry for causing you any pain if I did. I think we have a lot more fun as friends, and that if we took it further, it would feel too complicated, too stressful, too much more to worry about. And I think if you think about it, if you think about the past, you'll see it's true. But I really respect you and I like hanging out with you, and aghIhatecliches we can still be friends.

Man, it's even cliche to hate cliches. How much does that suck?

Yesterday Lizzi and Jeff and I had another philosophockle. This one...not so good. The best (out of three, so you really can't tell) was the one in that alley with Leslie and Katie. Plus this one was really short. Oh well. Jeff and I went to the CD Game Exchange (again!) and I traded in In Utero for Golden State by Bush, Bessie In Utero was missing the back art work, and the cover art was like, glued to itself so I couldn't open it with out tearing it. I'll just get In Utero with my $90 BORDERS CARD! And Jeff gave me this thing from a magazine that if I send it in with the receipt from my whammy pedal, the proof of purchase, and 10 dollars, I get a FREE EFFECTS PEDAL. Which is cool. We went to Jeff's and played music for a while, and then I went home and chilled. And THEN I went to see SCHOOL OF ROCK with Jeff at THE AFI! It was gooood. And Jossie and Hannah were there. And I ate the last half of my Reese's Pieces. And afterwards we got posters. Yay!

Nothing exciting happened today. I went to CostCo with my parents and Michael. It sucked. CostCo is a scary, depressing place. We did go to this really good Mexican restaurant though. New Years Eve tomorrow. To quote Dan Curl "OMG explosion of fun" also "too much stuff to do. CONFLICTS OF INTEREST, SHIT BE FLICTED." Well, we'll see how things work out.

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AOL System Msg (5:56:49 PM): Your screen name (DarkSide Zacky) has signed in from another location. This screen name is currently signed in at 2 locations. Click here for more information.

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Tuesday was fun. After school was CTF and somehow the teams ended up being Jews vs else. I am technically a Jew, so I was on the Jew team. We kicked ass. Bruno came, and did rather well. Props to Bruno. Anyway, then Bruno, Katie, Emily and I went to Old Town to meet up with Jeff, Alex, Lizzi and Jossie. Except Jeff went to a guitar lesson. But we had fun anyway. When we went to meet Jeff, I noticed that there were lots of pictures of people learning bass on the walls, and it turns out that Jeff's guitar teacher ALSO teaches bass. And he will teach me bass. And everything will be good. Everyone left, so it was just Katie and Emily and I. We went to Emily's house and played foosball and air hockey and watched that crazy guy from that chemistry video and Princess Mononoke. That movie rocks. I had never really hung out with Emily before, I have concluded that she is indeed cool.

Yesterday I had practice with Eris. It wasn't anymore productive than usual, but certainly fun. I learned Foxy Lady, and we wrote a song called I Killed The Pizza Man. And it was tasty. Then I went "Christmas shopping" in White Oak, which lead me to these thoughts:

I hate christmas shopping. I never have money, and I can never find just the right present. I know it's the thought that counts, but if you're going to the trouble, I think you should get one that means something, or just not at all. Gift giving is kinda stupid if you think about it too much.

On the other hand...

I GOT A WHAMMY PEDAL! IT IS THE COOLEST NOISE EVER TO GRACE MY EARS PRODUCED BY ME. Harmonics and pitch shifts and detuning. Coolest thing ever. And you don't get any more tripped out than a whammy pedal. All I need now are a distortion pedal and a delay pedal and I can send you on a wild hallucination without the acid! WOOT! Of course, I have no money... I also got 90 bucks for Borders so not only do I get a cool way to play music, I get cool music to play. Everything fits together. And I got MORE strings, something I can't get enough of.

I love music...

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Friday after school Bruno and I hung out, which we hadn't done in a while. For all you who don't know, Bruno is a much cooler person one-on-one. We went to starbucks and got chai (good)/coffee (bad) and I got a black and white cookie. As usual. Then we went to my house and played cards and listened to Peach and RAtM and talked about stuff. Then he went home, and my aunt and uncle from CA came with the baby for Chanuka, and he was cute and we had fun, and Grandma and Grandpa gave me a copy of Lyra's Oxford, the sequel-type-thing to His Dark Materials, the best 3 books EVER, and Eragon which I've heard of, and looks cool, but haven't had a chance to read yet. It's with me in my backpack right now, though.

Saturday I went to CTF again, and it was good. There were only two more people than last time, but it made a big difference. It was Greg, Z, Eric, Campbell, the Dans, Leslie, and I. And nothing particulary triumphant happened, I did make some pretty valiant defensive efforts, but nothing like last time (muahahah). After that I took a bus to Silver Spring, and got really good hot chocolate from Panera. Then I walked to Bruno's and helped to his family get ready for the party, which was AWESOME. It was only Bruno, Nessa, Carter, and I, which isn't a lot of people, but we made really incredibly cool conversation. The energy was flowing. And I hadn't really talked to Nessa, just hanging out, for a long time, and it was nice. She is cool. And the (not really) best part is, we listened all the way through both Ænima AND Lateralus. Man, I love Tool. My dad is crazy. I was trying to get some money from him, cuz I didn't have much and was going to be sleeping over at Bruno's and going from there to Chuck Levin's to get a new string, and he was gonna give me a 20, but my mom says, "He doesn't need that much, just give him half," so my dad, the strict literalist that he is (not), TEARS THE 20 DOLLAR BILL IN HALF and gives the pieces to me. Nearly gave me a heart attack. It killedeveryonen else, though. Killed, like, it was funny, not homicidal.

Then Sunday I had practice with Obelisk, with our newest addition: Nessa on vocals! Woot, she was good, at least she sang. She sang more in two hours than Brigette, Mollie, and Melissa did over 2 months of weekly practice COMBINED. Martin had to dosomethingn, so we relocated to Nessa's house, and her cousin Buzz is a really good drummer, so we jammed with him,a nd it was cool. Especiallyl since I switched tunings right in the middle and made it sound good anyway. I rock.

I had more to say, but Programming is over. Two things to help me remember: we all should die and Julianna.

I know who Vicky is. ;)

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MY SISTER, SARAH ROTHMAN, IS A GOOD PERSON. Anyone who has an issue with this assertion can deal with ME. Perhaps physically.

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FUCK. I BROKE ANOTHER FUCKING STRING! WHY? WHY?

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I defeated the ad. I win. I rule the ads. The ads cower before me. Doom.

RETURN OF THE KING ROCKED MY SOCKS. IT was just. Wow. Epic. Literally. And who cares if fodo only had one facial expression or whatever. It rocked. It just did. That is all.

I repeat, I am so arrogant and flakey and presumptuous.

The Beatles are really quite good. Shoomdoomdoomaladooooomdooooom.

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It always amazes me when I look back over this site just how much I write. I write more stuff on here then I ever would for school, or even for fun. I don't know why. I used to have a little journal, to record all my interesting thoughts except that 1) my thoughts aren't interesting and 2) I lost the book. That's one reason I like blogging, the internet stays right where it is, you can always find it. And it's waterproof. I envy poets. I just don't have a poetic mind, I've never like, been inspired, I have to sit down and think, ok, poem time, and then I write, but I never like what I write. And I know you're supposed to just let the words flow, but my words flow in sentences and paragraphs, and not even particularly good or clever ones. And lyrics, I can't write lyrics. I mean, I can, anyone can, but I just sound like every other whiney teenager. I hate that. I hate being just how everyone expects me to be, especially if it's not really a desirable way to be anyway. Who wants to be all angsty and hormone-ridden all the time? No one, but everyone is. And it's sure as hell hard to rise above. But I try. I try to keep thinking logically, keep my wits about me, do what's right, but it gets hard. Hard to stay proactive. The best music (and we all know what THAT is) is affirmative. It's positive, it's not all depressed, it's active instead of complainy. No one wants to hear about how your girlfriend dumped you, or you hate your mom, or your job sucks (So stop reading this blog. [Wait, I don't have a girlfriend to dump me, I don't hate my mom, and I am utterly unemployed. So nevermind, read on.]). What IS interesting are emotions and thoughts and epiphanies, none of which, unfortunately, I have. My emotions and thoughts are the same as everyone else's, and as for epiphanies, well, no. Fortunately, bass is a form of expression that doesn't call for a disposition towards linguistic acrobatics.

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And who knows better than Brandon?:

dragoon1320: omg
dragoon1320: for 35 bucks
dragoon1320: im gettin a folgers can of this chemical
dragoon1320: now
dragoon1320: this reacts so violently with sugar...that 1 cm of this (in the folgers can) combine w/ equal amounts of sugar
dragoon1320: causes a 100 food wide halo of fire
DarkSide Zacky: you are a stupid fuckhead
DarkSide Zacky: but cool
dragoon1320: im so gonna end up killin myself w/ this
dragoon1320: ...
dragoon1320: NO I WONT MAKE THAT BIG OF A RING
dragoon1320: im gonna start w/ 2 foot 1's
dragoon1320: work my way up to 10
dragoon1320: then maybe 15
DarkSide Zacky: you are dumb
dragoon1320: so...
DarkSide Zacky: yes, i wanna help

Silly Brandon. Mmm, fire...

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My sister and all her friends have lyrics in their profiles, but sometimes they omit one line or two, or skip a verse or something, so that it matches what they want to say. This is dumb. It's like at the stupid assembly at school they played they played "cool" music, and showed the lyrics on the screen, but not all of the lyrics, just the ones to do with their propagandistic message. Ugh.

My aunt and uncle are here with their incredibly cute 3 month old baby. This is the cool uncle, cuz he's the youngest on my mom's side, and he was in a band and plays guitar and all that good stuff. I showed him my bass and said "this is MY baby," and he said "nice baby." See? Cool. And he asked me what music I was into, and I said "you know Rage Against the Machine?" but I guess I was mumbling and he didn't understand me, so before he left, he said "what was that band you said?" and I said "Rage Against the Machine?" and he's like, "Oh, of course, I guess I misunderstood you." YES. Approval.

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This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

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The comments are back, because I don't know what's good for me. Use them if you know what's good for you.

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Friday after school Katie, Kate and I met Jeff at Mayorga. Leslie appeared and it was good. I got a really huge brownie and a chai, of course. We wrote poetry. I wrote a poem called Jeff. You can read it sometime if you ask. Heheh. As Jeff and I walked home, Jeff told me a very interesting theory of his, which is the cause of all my recent confusion.

Why am I so stupid? Writing stuff like this will only get me into trouble.

So I went home and played much bass at full volume. Nothing sounds bad with that much distortion. Yay!

On Saturday there was a Winter Festival rehearsal from 9-1. It sucked. I went to Capture the Flag really early, so I ended up hang out alone with just Greg and Z. That was weird, but pleasant; they are cool people. We had an extremely epic game, which I pretty much single handedly won. There were only six people: me, Eric and Dan Jaeggi on one team, vs Greg, Z, and Lily. Naturally, having such small teams changes the way you play, because every person is important. Anyway, so Eric and Jaeggi were tagged so I was alone on our side. Greg, Z and Lily all come over. Lily goes for the flag first but I TAG HER, so she runs to the jail to get freed by Z, but he can't do anything because I TAG HIM. Then behind me Greg tries to get the flag while I'm distracted, but I TAG HIM TOO. It all happened so fast that it took me a second to realize that I won the whole game, on defense no less. I realize I sound like a complete egomaniac here, but I think I deserve some recognition for this. The events of Winter Fest are not worth recording here.

Holy shit, they caught Saddam Hussein. Weird huh? Bush was right? No. Bush gets the white house? Probably...unless. There are a few possibilities.

1. They caught him and told the world, all is well.
2. They caught him long ago, but were just holding the info back until the most politically opportune moment.
3. FRAUD! IMPOSTOR! LIARS!

Who knows?

On Sunday I went to Much Ado About Nothing, with Nora in the lead, kinda. I don't know if it was the lead, but it was a big part, and she was fantastic. So were Colin, and Eliot, and Sam, and Tara, and other various people who were fantastic. I've said this before, but every time I see a play that any of my friends are involved in I get this great urge to join Lumina or stage crew or whatever too. But I never do. I don't know why. I should. Winter Festival + ride afterwards leaving 45 minutes late = I missed all but 5 minutes of Katie's show. Arg. They were a good 5 minutes, though.

Then I got 2 extra hours to sleep, thanks to Jerry Weast's wussiness. Yay. I fucking hate school. I got a single C on my interim and my mom is like "Zack, how would you feel if we tried home-schooling for the second semester." And it sounds really great, but I couldn't handle leaving my friends, and I couldn't handle no capture the flag every day. There are people who I see at school who just perfect my day, that I would likely never see otherwise. Sometimes I wish everyone would just shun me so I could go get homeschooled and hate everybody and write wonderful music about how the world sucks. But I don't, and they wouldn't, and I don't want to, and I won't, and I can't, and it doesn't. Interpersonal relationships complicate everything.

PS: THE LAST MONDAY IN JANUARY WILL BE NATIONAL COOKIE DAY. GIVE COOKIES TO SPREAD JOY AND SUGAR TO ALL. THAT IS ALL.

PPS: To the Weekend of Doom crew: NEXT WEEKEND OF DOOM - DECEMBER 31ST, 2003. You know you want to. Contact me/Louis with objections/praise.

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I am a very confused young man.

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Extra points if you can identify to me what book that's from, more points for who said it, my soul if you can say in what context it was said. Today I finally achieved my goal: I flipped right over a rail today during capture the flag. It was awesome. I'm so mad myself for letting my family talk me into joining Winter Festival again, it's fucking up my entire weekend. I don't get to do anything I want, I have to get up at 8 to be at WES by nine on Saturday, I miss all but one Lumina play, I don't get to see The Lady's Not For Burning, I probably miss capture the flag, I probably don't go to band practice, I have an unpleasant and angst-filled Thursday. Argh. And I'm losing my memory or something, things come to me all day to put on here, and once I'm at the keyboard, it's all gone. Oh, well. Goodnight.

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I wish I were articulate enough to write a FUCK YOU list to everything I would like to. But I'm not. I can try anyway.

FUCK spirituality. Fuck "god", fuck "buddha", fuck "enlightenment", you are an animal just like everything else, the only thing that makes you different is that you know it.

FUCK education. Fuck cramming your brain with useless facts. Fuck what we need to know.

FUCK the american dream. Fuck owning land, fuck a paying job, fuck credit cards and consumerism.

FUCK MUSIC. Fuck thirds and fifths and sevenths, fuck power chords, fuck minor scales, fuck being original.

FUCK being good. Fuck self-restraint, fuck pacifism, fuck morals, fuck the other cheek.

FUCK stupid lists like this, fuck stupid people who would write stupid lists like this.

FUCK love. Fuck flirting and dating, fuck sexual tension, fuck baggage. Fuck trying to impress them. Fuck asking out and being asked. Fuck fucking, fuck making out.

FUCK anyone who thinks "I already saw something like this on that guy's xanga", I KNOW, shut up.

FUCK being finished.

That sucked. This will probably be added to in the future. Or, just as likely, in two days I will feel like the world is a wonderful place and everything is going my way. Let's hope for that, shall we?

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This pleases me very much:

the boys i mean are not refined - e. e. cummings

the boys i mean are not refined
they go with girls who buck and bite
they do not give a fuck for luck
they hump them thirteen times a night

one hangs a hat upon her tit
one carves a cross on her behind
they do not give a shit for wit
the boys i mean are not refined

they come with girls who bite and buck
who cannot read and cannot write
who laugh like they would fall apart
and masturbate with dynamite

the boys i mean are not refined
they cannot chat of that and this
they do not give a fart for art
they kill like you would take a piss

they speak whatever's on their mind
they do whatever's in their pants
the boys i mean are not refined
they shake the mountains when they dance

I don't know why. I stole it from Magin's Xanga.

I had a billion weird memories today, but can only remember one:

Once I was going to sligo creek with my grandparents, and there was a man talking on a cell phone, and he was using a head set. This was very obvious to me, but my grandpa didn't see it, and the man was talking kinda loud, telling the person on the other line where he was, so my grandpa though he was a little off in the head, and though he was talking to him, and he started nodding, and talking to the man, in that way you talk to a child or really crazy person (but shouldn't, I believe) and the man says "excuse me, I'm on the phone" and my granpa has like this revelation and we go to the park.

Today we played a really tough game of capture the flag, on the courtyard, and I fell and tried to roll out of it, but I hit my head on the concrete a little, but I was fine. I ended up tagging like, 3 people right after that.

I really hate PE. I hate sports, but when forced to play them I get really into them and make a fool of myself, because most of the time I don't even know the rules of the game. And I get violent. I'm always afraid I'll hurt someone. I personally really don't care about getting hurt too much. Like just today, fall, smack head and elbow on pavement, get up, tag people. Or, you know, I'm running barefoot on the field, I get a 1/4 inch deep gash in my foot, I put on shoes, I keep running. Madness. I don't know why I do it.

We are reading The Catcher in the Rye in english, and I REALLY like it. Just the way Holden Caulfield thinks, the way he talks, it reminds me of me so much. Like, I read the book, and I imagine what he looks like, and it's me, with short hair and no glasses.

Argh I had a really great memory, better than the cell phone guy, but it left me. And I can't remember it. I think it started, once when I was little YES I REMEMBER!:

When I was little I had those footie pajamas, and I would put only my arms in, so it was flapping behind me, and I would pretend to be the blue ranger. I'd reather have been the green ranger, but my pjs were blue.

Ok, that wasn't so great, but at least I succeded in remembering it.

I'm thinking about not putting the commments back...comment if you object. OH WAIT! YOU CAN'T!!! MUAHAHAHAH!!!! This is liberating. That reminds me of a quote - "Liberate yourself from my viselike grip." - The Catcher in the Rye. Another (this is not exact) - "That's the thing about money. It only ends up making you blue as hell." Yes, I know.

OK, that's enough, now.

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SO. Here we are, back where we started, at BLOGGER. Which is better than xanga.

Friday there was "snow," therefore, no school. I met Lizzi in Old Town, then we picked up Jeff and Alex and Carter, and went to Keefa (?) Cafe, and I got a chai and muffin of superb quality, and then, the best part, I FINALLY wrote a good ringtone for Lizzi. You should hang out around her all the time so you can hear my work whenever someone calls her. Anyway. Then we went...to the CD GAME EXCAHNGE! And I got a CD by VOIVOD, which at the very least has an awesome name, if not such a great singer. Anyway then we went to Fresh Fields to get cheese for Carter's mom, and I got ROOOOOOOOOOOT beer, and we saw Juli and Nessa, and I scampered off, but for completely un-Nessa related reasons. We minus Lizzi went to Alex's and OH MY GOD we watched 12 Monkeys, which is VERY GOOD and VERY BRAIN HURTY. We got chinese food and ate, and Nessa came over and we watched Fight Club, but I had to leave before it ended, but I know how it ends anyway.

Saturday I was at a WinterFest rehearsal from 9-5, effectively missing CTF, something I will be doing next week, and the week after, and the way things are going, probably the week after that as well. ANGER. But after the rehearsal, my family ate at a restaurant in the NEWLY COMPLETED DOWNTOW SILVER SPRING, called Panera which was totally awesome. If you order hot chocolate, you get a cup of hot chocolate bigger than the bowls they use for soup. And the soup bowls aren't so tiny. Tashty.

Today there was band practice. That was pleasant. But not as cool as being in the SGR Spectacular which is something I will do. It was supposed to be last week, but canceled because of snow, which is good, becasue Eris hasn't practiced together for like, two weeks. But now we are having busy-singer-problems. But it will all work out. We'll make it work, or die trying? You hear that, Stormy? DIE.

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Was sick yesterday. Missed bass lesson. Didn't do hardly any homework anyway. Don't feel like doing this.

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I have no idea why I am here. I don't want to be here. Every passage in my head is clogged with some sort of mucus, and my throat is sore, but no fever, so I gotta come to school. Yesterday the days-since-I-cried count was set to zero. I don't even know why. Well, maybe I do. I wanted to see Anna, and I wanted to go to the Hirshhorn, and I wanted to go to band practice, but my mom forced me to stay home to do stupid homework (which I didn't do anyway), and I was hungry, and I was bringing food upstairs, but I tripped and hurt myself/dropped croissants all over the stairs, so I went to my moms bed where she and my sister were and I just cried. But I felt like I didn't even have a reason and I was acting like a little kid. I wish it had happened with me alone, so I could have really let it all out. Now my mom thinks I'm depressed, and I'm thinking she may or may not be right. Ugh.

Jamming on Saturday was DEFINITELY cool. It was fun playing Rage and stuff, but the coolest part was when Alex brought out his clarinet, and we all played the blues in B flat, and we took turns doing solos. Not too shabby. Shabby. What a cool word. And then Alex's Knights of the Old Republic came. SOO COOL! But I don't think my computer could handle it if I got it. Which is sad. Oh, well, time to get a new computer...

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