d a r k s i d e

w e l c o m e t o t h e m a c h i n e


I think I'm sick. I don't wanna barf. I don't feel like i'm gonna. But I'm scared of barfing. It's bad.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:41     

OOH! When we were at Old Town, I made Bruno laugh, and like, GALLONS of snot came out of his nose. And we were outside, so he had to wipe his face with snow. He's gonna beat me up for telling you. Heheh.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:07     

That's better. The COA-MATT Boy Into Man weekend was canceled, so I can FINALLY go to a band practice at Kay's, who is fortunately ok. Or ok as Kay gets. Which isn't a lot, but better than dead. Yeah. I'm done.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 20:58     

Ok. Hi. NO SCHOOL! I had fun today. Went to Old Town with Emma and Jeff and Bruno and Alex and Lizzi. We went to HoMT, and played guitars and I got 6 new picks. Came back with Alex and Bruno. My head feels funny. I hope i didn't get messed up by the burning spray paint flamethrower, cuz brain damage would suck. I'm really paranoid about that stuff. I have to pee.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 20:56     
Anima = the soul
Enema = cleansing (usually of the anal cavity)
Anima + Enema = Ænima
Ænima = cleansing of the soul
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:10     

Ughhh...I hate school. I hate the classes, I hate the timeframe. Ugh. I don't want to help Emma anymore. I just want to stay at home and play my bass and be warm, and sleep. SLEEP!!! I hate homework. I hate that I still like Nessa. I hate how she treats me. I hate how beautiful she is. I hate going to sleep. I hate waking up. I hate hating everything. I hate war. I hate ignorance. I hate snow. I hate not being able to control myself, and I hate having so much self control. I hate having to be GOOD all the time. I just want to hit someone. REALLY HARD. But I can't cuz I'd regret it. Yesterday I was full with the joy of life. Now today, I feel like this. Tomorrow, maybe I'll be full of anger and rage, and everyone will get pissed and blahblahblah... I'm out of words to say. Thoughts to think. I'm not myself. The little rational me in my head is spewing arguments to everything I say. I wonder what it's like to be schizophrenic? I wonder, if one day, I'll wake up, and be two people. I wonder if I'll recognize it. I wonder if schizophrenic people, before diagnosed, think, "oh, shit, I must be schizophrenic (yeah, i think you are too)." I dunno. My brain isn't empty yet. I'll stop when it is. EVERYTHING IS PROPAGANDA FOR SOMETHING. If girls tried, they could control the world. Nothing can really hijack your thoughts like a girl can. "My only love, sprung from my only hate." I hate English class too. I think the world would be better if everyone listened to Tool. Nothing they say is bad. I hate this winter, I wish it would go away. The most poetic thing I've ever said: "I need to climb until all i can think about is the ache in my arms, and forget about the ache in my heart." Guess who put it there? YOU DID!! I don't get it. What happened? I don't know. Oh, well, whatever, never mind. 50 cool points if you can tell me what song that last sentence was from. I wonder if this blog posty thing has a limit. That would be cool. But whatever. If you read all the way through this ænima, then good job, but you have to get your own life, sweetie. I wonder if I sound like this in real life. We need more real people. Who don't hide their motives or feelings. Who are honest. I've come to a realization. I've said many times before, that with the advent of civilization and technology, homo sapiens has stopped evolving. But I was wrong. In reality, technology and civilization has only halted our physical evolution. Not to say we will regress, but we aren't going anywhere. Technology and civilization has in fact opened our full mental and psychic potential. Unfortunately, too many people don't see this. Things like this don't work unless EVERYONE wants to help. Like communism. Our good ideas make us vulnerable. But better vulnerable then valueless. The real people realize the above revelation. Spread the word, "bugger"!! Know that in truth, the world is a wondrous place, and that everybody deserves to live until their body goes. Nothing stops being interesting, and if you're bored, go for a walk. Find a cool bug, or an intesesting pattern in the sidewalk. Don't let love bring you down, it's supposed to lift you up. If it's not, it's not love. Get out. Stay outside, and feel the air. Go to the middle of a desert, and feel air untainted by human doings. Sleep on a mountain top. Good job, but get a life, sweetie. Spiral out.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:02     
I'm ok now. HOLY SHIT!!!! Kay tried to commit suicide. I called the police, and everyone says I saved her life. Although, don't get mad at me, but I still am slightly skeptical. For one, this whole thing happened over IM. Second, she claims she took 46 Ibuprofen and 3 shots of Vodka. And then she says the cop guy just had her barf it and then he left. I think if you loaded yourslef with that much chemical, you'd need to go to the emergency room FAST. And then they wouldn't send you home. You'd go to the psych ward, for extensive psychological evaluation, and counseling, and everything, and I DON'T think they would give you access to a computer to get BACK on IM to tell your friends you were ok. I just can't understand why she would lie about that. But then, I don't really know Kay that well. And if you read this, don't go blurting it to people, and don't go ask Kay if she's ok. That's just too much. Wow, this was a surreal day. With the snow, and the letting out early, and this whole suicide thing, just totally mind-blisteringly surreal. But that's cool. I needed a little break from reality.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 23:16     

...or maybe not...
posted by Xaq Rothman at 08:54     
WAIT, NO! I also REALLY want to go rock climbing, and I can't for 2 weeks. AND I can hang out with Nessa without wanting to kill something now. YAY! All is well in Zackland/Rothmania/WHATEVER, the point IS that I'm happy. Which is good.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:57     

WOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I learned Lateralus by Tool on my bass. The WHOLE thing. Very cool. Now, here's Tom, with sports...
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:53     
Ooh, when Will was here, I burned Aenima by Tool onto my computer. IT KICKS ASS, but what did you expect? It's Tool.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 01:04     

Hiya. Today, Bruno and I woke up at about 11. Well, I woke up at eleven (1+1). Bruno got up before me, and already had breakfast. So we hung out, and my mom made us do some cleaning. Then we invited Will over, and we went down to the creek to play with fire. Here's how we did it:

  • plastic soda bottle
  • isopropyl alcohol
  • twine
  • magnesium scrapey thingy
  • pocket knife
  • a flint
  • duct tape (of course)
  • thick gloves (IMPORTANT)

Put on the gloves, fool. Make a hole in the bottle cap, and cut about 2 inches of twine. Put it through the bottle cap, and tape it in place. Now, put a bit of alcohol in the bottle, cap it (with the cap for the alcohol if you did it right), and shake it. Put it down. Now, scrape a bunch of magnesium into the soda cap, and then pour, a small amount of alcohol into the cap. Make sure to get alcohol all over the twine. Put it down. Shake the bottle somemore. Uncap. Take the cap with alcohol, and hold it (wearing gloves) as someone uses the flint to light it. Quickly, put the cap on the bottle. It should go WOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH and make the bottle go all warm and melty wrinkly. During all this, your hands WILL catch on fire, so if you aren't wearing gloves that are like, snow-playing thickness, you WILL be in pain.

Anyway, then we filled the cap wit alcohol, and lit it, and it sunk into the snow, and the plastic ACTUALLY boiled. Like, dripping. We went back to my house, and played a couple games of StarCraft. Near the end of our second game, Thomas called, and invited us to go bowling. So we did. THEN we came back. Bruno was here for about one more hour, and then he left. Now I'm all alone. But that's ok. I feel school looming over me, like a big loomy thing. DOOOM.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:51     
DAY 3 of no school: Ok, so it's a different day completely, but I AM at Bruno's, so I kept my word. What did we do...? Not a lot. From Bruno's yesterday we (Alex, Jeff, Bruno, Carter, me) went to Alex's. We watched a couple movies and a bunch of late night TV and then we slept. Then we got up. OH! I COMPLETELY forgot to tell my parents that I was going to Alex's, much less that I was sleeping over, so my parents didn't know where I was until this morning. My mom was MAD. But it's ok. Anyway, so we got up. Then some stuff happened. We had a snowball fight at Jeff's in which Evan (Jeff's little brother) kept getting mad because he kept...GETTING HIT BY SNOWBALLS!!!!!!! WHO would have EVER thought that in a SNOWBALL fight you might get hit with SNOWBALLS?!?!? So he stuffed snow in my face and punched Bruno's. I exercised great self-restraint in that I did NOT smash him into the ground, or exact revenge for the coat he buried in the snow. After Jeff's, we were SUPPOSED to go and hang with Morgan, but she TOTALLY DITCHED US, and went to Old Town with Nora and Connor, half an hour before we were supposed to meet her! We decided not to feed her EVIL by going and bothering them in OT, so we went back to Alex's. Bruno and I then came to Bruno's. Now here I am. Oh, wait. We DID do a lot. AND NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!!!!! This means we had a...9-DAY WEEKEND!!!! That is very cool. Ooh, and yesterday was my half birthday. Maybe I should have a party now...
posted by Xaq Rothman at 19:42     
DAY 2 of no school: We all saw DareDevil again. Still good. Then I stayed up til 4, and my parents got mad cuz I accidentally woke them up on my way to bed. And now I'm going to Bruno's, and I'll post somemore there.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 14:47     
I'm at Brandon's! WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! We watched Invader ZIM and Nate has something to say: He woves bwad pit. (1) No i don't. (2)It's P-I-T-T. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAY. We may or may not see a movie and Lateralus is a REALLY good song. AND I got this email: Montgomery Co. Schools: Closed Wednesday, admin offices closed. YAY!!!!!!!!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:02     
SNOW!!!!! It snowed like, 20 FUCKING INCHES!!! AND IT'S STILL GOING!!!! Will and I were out from 12:30 to 5, and we only went in for like, a half hour to get cookies and hot chocolate. AND NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!! So cool! I really have nothing else to say. My life is simple again.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 19:41     
It's over and I am FREE!!! If you are a MALE ask me about the ritual. Us guys need something of our own.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:48     
So tomorrow will be another Valentine's day alone. My wish came true and now I don't have a girlfriend. At least it wasn't just cuz she was sick of me, and I agree that she can't go out with me (or anyone really) and stay sane at the same time. I just wish she was ok. Fook. I'm in tech ed again. We are tracing cars and drawing "air lines" around them. It's very stupid. Nothing, except for NOTHING is more theraputic than singing your heart out to TOOL.

parasitic little TICK
parasitic little FLY
parasitic little TICK
take what you wanted and GO

P.S. I know EXACTLY what to do for Valentines Day now.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 08:47     
Arg. So the laser tag thing didn't happen. I had to go to COA-MATT, where Nessa continued to ignore me. I still like her, but I feel like she's treating me like SHE doesn't like ME. I hope that's not the case, but if it is, that I wish she would just dump me, instead of dragging it out, and making me feel like shit (hint hint). Anyway, so Saturday, I went to aikido as usual, where my elbows bled again (stupid new mat), and then I went bowling with Jeff and Alex, and Alix, who I finally met and have decided is a cool person. We four had an epic snowball fight in a court in Silver Spring. So then I came home, and stayed there for a while, then I walked over to Nick's to jam with Nick, Jackson, and Will. There was a old guy there, Mike, who had been in a band with Nick's dad, and who had been playing bass for 48 YEARS! He was really good, he did all this slap stuff, and wowie. He taught me this blues riff, and a song by the Almond Brothers, which is now my new purpose in life (to master that song). OOH! When we (Nick, Will, Jackson, Maddy, Mark, and I) went to pick up chinese from Golden Star, these guys stopped us and one of them asked Nick if he had stolen his buddy Ben's "ounce" (that's weed for you non-street smart "dawgs"). The dude kept his hand in his pocket the whole time, like he was ready to pull a gun on us or something. Nick just kept telling them "I didn't take it, I don't fuck with that stuff, man (which he doesn't)," and he let them search his jacket. They threw it back to him and he said, "We're cool?", and the other guys said, "Yeah, you're cool" and to his buddy "Any of these other fools?" Fortunately, his buddy said no, and we were free. I felt stupid, cuz they all got out of this white limo, which I had done a flip right in front of earlier. Anyway...then, at 11, Nick's mom drove me over to Bruno's where we talked and watched TV and slept. Then, we got up the next morning, and we watched Bring It On, and then we surfed the net and played StarCraft. Wait no, we played StarCraft after we got back from hanging out in Bethesda and seeing Shanghai Knights, which, despite whatever Jacki says, is very good and funny, with all those wonderfully creative Jackie Chan fight scenes. Yeah. THEN we went back and played StarCraft. Then I went home, and something happened, and now I am typing this. NOW I'm typing THIS. Now THIS. Ok. What the HELL am I supposed to do about Valentines Day?!?!?!?
posted by Xaq Rothman at 23:42     
ARRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Confilct is the essence of comedy. Remember that. NO SCHOOL TODAY!!!!!!!!! And I'm going to Brandon's party later so this is cool. LASER TAG!! And I learned i really cool song by Tool (PRAISE!) on my bass. IT's called swamp song, and everyone who reads this (noone) should go download it, because happiness should be shared. Ew. This is such a bad time for Valentine's Day to be. Blegh.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 10:41     


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