d a r k s i d e

w e l c o m e t o t h e m a c h i n e


...am I suddenly so angry all time? I used to be invulnerable. Now everything affects me. What kryptonite did this and how do I get rid of it? And why is it only at home? At school I'm all cheery and enthusiastic and I come home and I just want to KILL SOMETHING. Maybe I will grow out of it.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 19:25     

Fire is the key. Heat rises. Lighten up. BURN. NOW.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 19:04     


then leave me alone
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:15     
I ought to stop doing that, it's going to get me in trouble........
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:13     

a fairy tale
Lizzi wrote this, it's my favorite story:
once upon a time

there was a beautiful princess who had a fondness for the silver clips the castle jeweler made to bind many parchments together. she was philosophical and musical and relatively happy among her castlemates, but she felt lonely often. unable to find a spiritual and intellectual equal, she often retreated into her private world of art and literature.

one day she was playing with a ball by a well and she dropped it in. she didn't care all that much--it was just a ball--but to her astonishment a tall handsome alien appeared and dived into the well to retrieve her ball. thanking him, they began a conversation and discovered how much they had in common. the princess looked forward to their meetings and found herself at last able to connect with a mind on her wavelength. she began to wonder if she was in love.

the alien wondered too whether he was in love.

all these annoying bluebirds and blades of grass and flowers told them they were, but, being the sort of people they were, they held back. afraid of being hurt, or being stupid, or not making their own decisions? or maybe they just weren't sure? who knows.

were they in love?
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:13     
I lived a year in 3 hours. I think I'm in like.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 23:36     

probably did this already...
Choose a band and use their song lyrics to answer the following
(I choose TOOL of course.)
1. Are you male or female?
Would you like to glide on
slide a mile 6 inches at a time on Maynard's dick?
[Maynard's Dick]
2. Describe yourself.
If I'm the fuckin' man then
you're the fuckin man as well.
[Hooker With a Penis]
3. How do some people feel about you?
He had a lot to say
he had a lot of nothin' to say
we'll miss him
4. How do you feel about yourself?
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest.
I know you well.
you are a part of me.
[Part of Me]
6. Where would you rather be.
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
[Ænema (Arizona Bay, not los Angeles)]
7. Describe what you want to be.
I don't want to be hostile.
I don't want to be dismal.
But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existance.
8. Describe how you live.
With my feet upon the ground
I lose myself between the sounds
and open wide to suck it in,
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up
and reaching out,
I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me
What ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind
we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end
and may just go where no one's been.
9. Describe how you love.
I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.
10. Share a few words of wisdom.
The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.
See? Tool answers all the questions.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 23:16     

My un-inspiration is profound.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 22:33     

I am an alien. Will you be my leader?
posted by Xaq Rothman at 22:25     
we are to answer the questions
On Tuesday my power came back at 4:30. We had to go to school again. Fortunately the power was out! So not only were we up at 7:30 (good for fun, bad for school), but basically ALL of my friends were there, being a school day and all. So what to do but go and hang out in Silver Spring all day? That's right NOTHING. So that's what we did. First we walked from school down Colesville to Mayorga, and I had my lunch and ROOT BEER ON TAP! Yeah. Then we hung out on this lawn thing near Mayorga, and alex and I had a rolling contest. I suppose now is as good a time as any to enumerate the people that were there: me, Bruno, Carter, Katie, Kate, Lizzi, Alex, Jeff, Louis, and Jacki. We ran into Nessa and Juli and Noah on the way, and we assimilated them into our collective. Yeah, so after Mayorga, Nessa, Juli, and Noah, went to Nessa's, and invited me to come to the CD/Game Exchange to go to Wheaton at 11:30. Bruno went home to take care of chores to meet us later. Yeah, so we went to the lawn, and I called Nessa to decline the invitation, and we left the lawn, and parted with Louis. We went to Dale Music cuz I wanted to show Jeff a guitar, and on the way we saw Nessa, Juli, Noah, and Bruno again. Nessa, Bruno, and Juli, decided to stay with us instead of going to Wheaton, and Noah went home cuz he was really tired. We all went to Carter's to watch a movie, but I convinced everyone to stay outside, and play on Carter's awesome swing, and hang out in his backyard.

This is so dumb. Nobody wants to read a full account of what I did on a given day.

Katie, Kate, and Lizzi left, and the remaining group went to the Boston park, and we played on the equipment, and I tackled and was tackled many a time. Nessa left, and Jeff, Jacki, and Alex went home. Carter and I went to Bruno's, and we played Soul Calibur II (GREAT GAME) until Carter left, and then Bruno and I watched Family Guy til my Mom came. Then I came home and PLAYED BASS WITH MY AMP AND SURFED THE NET AND ATE COLD FOOD AND LISTENED TO THIRTEENTH STEP!!!!!!!!!

That was a fun day.

Thirteenth Step is one of THE BEST albums ever made. Everyone should buy it and listen to it everyday.

Cheer up, all. You're alive, and that's good enough.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:49     
Also, other than being the release date of Thirteenth Step, Tuesday was the first anniversary of the creation of zackfreaksoutonline.blogspot.com, the humble blog that evolved into this glorious web site.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:44     

Yesterday was TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!!! Drink up, me hearties, YO HO!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:39     

chaos, why are you?
What a stupid hurricane.
Between 7th and 8th period, Louis delivered to me a note from Vanessa. It was in code. I made a plan - come home, do hw while listening to Mer de Moms, call Borders to reserve a copy of Thirteenth Step, go to Borders, buy Thirteenth Step, come home, pop it in the stereo, and while listening to the wonder that is A Perfect Circle, proceed to decode Nessa's cryptic message and meditate upon my situation. I got up to the part about calling Borders, but they DIDN'T HAVE IT. So I stayed home, and decoded the message while listening to Mer de Noms instead. Obviously Nessa wrote it in code because it was for my eyes only, so I won't give you the exact text, but the gist was that she had read my post about Bruno's party, and that she wanted to talk too. So talk we did. We both confessed some things, and apologized for others, and I feel a WHOLE lot better about our relationship now. Thanks for opening up, Nessa. That was Tuesday.
Nothing much interesting during school and such, I played Capture the Flag and Ultimate Frisbee as usual. It was announced that afternoon that school was gonna be closed on Thursday. I was in the main hallway, and there were so many people cheering it sounded like something exploded. It was hilarious. Like, 5 parties were arranged between 2:10 and 3:00. I did not go to any of them, I went to Starbucks/Santuccis with Anuja, and then I hung out with Bruno.
I went to a meeting of the volunteer story telling thing persuasion. 'Twas fun, Lizzi, Katie, Jacki and Sebi were there, and that is a lot of diminutives. Some of you who are OGZ (hahah, Hooker With a Penis reference) may remember that around this time last year, I was concerned with the dilemma of sharing my thoughts about a person on my website. The problem was, that you can post things, but if there are some things you don't want someone to see, you can't do anything about it. I'm feeling a lot like that now. Don't call me, I'll call you. Anyway, lalala, hurricane Isabel, rain, thunder, wind power outages, WHO CARES? Onward!
Still no power. No power means no amps,a nd no amps means no day-long jam session with Jeff. ARGH!!!! Instead, we went to Chuck Levin's That was cool, but I don't like that place much, the people seem kinda elitist and unfriendly. Like, not so much MEAN, but just apathetic. Now Atomic Music, THAT is a music center. That place just rocks.
This morning we went to my cousin Emily's house warming thingy, cuz she just moved to a new apartment. She and her fiancee, Kris, are very cool people. Kris's favorite album isÆnima, and as you all know, a Tool fan always gets high points with me. Plus he plays guitar, and they are cool artist-types and yeah. If I were about 10 years older, they would be the people I was hanging out with. Anyway, they gave me a belated bithday present, a book about robotics, with tips and intstructions for building tiny little robots that have no reason to be except to be good at being. So, one o these days I'm going back to their house and Kris and I will build some robots. Yah! So I came home and continued reading Dune, which is prettyweirdd. Right now I'm babysitting my sibs and Zephyr at my mom's friend's house who has POWER!!! Power is good. I have a newfound respect for Thomas Edison and his lightbulb inventing skeelz. They are watching the Lizzie McGuire movie. God, how I hate that girl. She is everything that is wrong with America, not including George Bush and pop-punk. So here I am.
Tomorrow I'm gonna go see the new RoyLiechtensteinn sculpture at the Hirshhorn around 2:00 with my grandparents (read: Marissa, Sebi, Amy, meet me at the Hirshhorn at 2!), so that will be cool. And next weekend Jeff and I WILL have our long overdue jam session. You've not heard the last of US! I sure hope my power is back when I get home...
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:23     
09/15/2003 • NEW TOUR DATES
10/31/2003 San Antonio, Freeman Coliseum, Stone City
11/1/2003 Houston TX, Reliant Arena
11/15/2003 Nashville TN, Municipal Aud
11/17/2003 Baltimore MD, Venue TBD
YESSS!!!!! Good things come to those who wait, godDAMMIT! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Anyway. Posting from Digital Art, wooooooooo! Oh, yeah, speaking of A Perfect Circle, the new album THIRTEENTH STEP comes out today, and after school, I will make a pilgrimage to Borders to spend a portion of my $50 birthday card on it. If they have it. Either way, this keyboard is FUCKED UP and I cannot stand to try to use it anymore. Goodbye.

posted by Xaq Rothman at 08:34     
a wish
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone made good decisions and nobody's life was fucked up and even if it was they would have the capacity to deal with it? That is paradise: a world where everyone can overcome their fucking issues.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 21:35     

Bruon got a pocket pc. I WANT ONE!!!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:41     
Why are you so stupid, Zack? GO TO BED.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 23:20     

we are to question the answers
Bruno's party was again controversial, at least to me. Much like last year, I had girl issues. But enough of that for now. In all other respects it rocked. WE listened to the entirity of Ænima, and we watched live RAtM. Oh, the people that were there:
  • Me
  • Bruno
  • Jeff
  • Nessa
  • Morgan
  • Alex
  • Carter
  • Louis
  • Will
First we hung around downstairs, and we ate dinner and played the name game which rocked and attacked eachother. Note: my hair is never fair ground for play wrestling. You pull my hair, you I am no longer playing, I am kicking your ass. IT FUCKING HURTS AND I CAN NOT STAND IT. Anyway, then a few people went outside while others watched Rage. I skipped back and forth between the two groups. Eventually everyone came outside, and we played around and had cake. Some people were playing with Bruno's porch candles, and one of them got so hot that the ceramic broke, and Bruno poured water on it to put it out. BIG MISTAKE. The theory is that pouring th water on it splashed the buring wax up in the air, which vaporized, which in turn caused a cylce to start that made a 3 foot tall flame shoot out of the bowl and keep going for about 5 minutes. Bruno's parents were not hapy, but DAMN was it ever cool. Yeah. We went back downstairs and hung out some more. The girls plus Will and Alex left, so it was just Bruno, Jeff, Carter, Louis and I. We stayed up and talked until about 3, and then slept. Nothing really remarkable happened, we woke up, ate breakfast, and slowly the guests left.

I don't know if you still read this Nessa, but I hope you see this, because it's important and I don't know if i will ever muster the guts to tell you in person. This party made me realize something: I don't and could never hate you, Nessa, in fact I really like you, but right I think that right now you are neither good for or to me, and that is why I'm always so weird around you. We have some real issues between us, and I need to either just not see evidence of your existance for a while, or we need to have a really long talk about us. I know you are going out with Pierre, and even if you weren't I wouldn't be trying to get back together with you, but there are some conflicts that really need to be dealt with. Hahah, you're never gonna see this, are you? Nope.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 23:16     
I'm putting this in the section, but i think it should go here too, mostly just so you can comment on it. Which you should do.


-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Take THAT, Dan Keller.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 12:03     
YAY! It's FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Today was cool. I played capture the flag again. There's gonna be a game at Blair tomorrow at 4, so EVERYBODY should come. Well, that's pretty much all for now. COME TO THE GAME! PLAY!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 16:47     
That was definitely my longest post EVER. This is the only one that really even comes close.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 22:39     

OK, now, I post. We start on...
In the morning was the first day of Aikido. We did lots of sit-ups, and my abs hurt for four days after. But now I'm ok. After that I went to my grandparents' house and mowed their lawn for $20. Which totally rocks. From there I went to Bruno's to sleep over, cuz the 7th is my parents' anniversary, and they wanted time to themselves so they could do god knows what (copulate - I AM GOD). Bruno and I saw Seabiscuit, me for a second time, and believe it or not, it was still good. Then we hung out around Wheaton for a while and I got Songs For the Deaf by Queens of the Stone Age which TOTALLY ROCKS. Like completely. They are WAYYYYYY up there. And Bruno got a DVD, The Battle of Mexico City by RAtM. We had dinner (burrItos!) and then watched the Rage vid. IT WAS AWESOME. Not surprising. We watched some comedy central, and then we fell asleep listening to QOTSA. When we woke up, it was of course...
We had breakfast, and then I read the comics and the Post magazine while Bruno cleaned up the dog poop from his backyard. Then, TO THE FOLK FESTIVAL! Nothing unusal, I got my ritual chicken on a stick, of course. I also got the flaming eye face-painted on my forehead by Rachel, but then my head was itchy, and I scratched it before I remembered my eye was there. Damn. Vanessa and Pierre were there, and that was certainly weird. OH! ARGH! I was looking for my sister, and I asked Julie and Nessa and them peoples, and Juli said, "she's probably off fucking some guy," and I said "HEY!" and then Nessa said "What, she probably is." WHAT THE FUCK? THAT'S MY FUCKING SISTER! MY SISTER WHO HAS KISSED ONE GUY IN ALL HER 13 YEARS! After she DUMPED me, Nessa seemed so concerned, "You hate me now, don't you?" Well I guess since I assured her that I don't and she's nice and secure in another relationship, it's ok for her to treat me like crap again. (That's how I see it. You are welcome to defend yourself if you care to do so, Nessa.) Anyway, yeah. So that was the Folk Fesival. Oh, one more thing! Sebi and I got interviewed:
For others, the music was incidental to the experience of the festival.

"I never come here to watch the stuff," said Zack Rothman, 15, a Takoma Park resident who said he had been to the festival every year but one since he was 8. "I just come here to hang with people I know."

"Personally, I come out to watch hippies in their element," said friend and fellow resident Sebastian Johnson, 15.
That is such classic Sebi! WE RUCKING FOCK! Suddenly it was...
I went to school. Not much happened. That I can remember. Er, during lunch we tried to do the passing out thing, but it didn't work. For lack of a better transition...
See above.
Same as above, except that in PE, Shagee and I joined Ultimate Frisbee!!!! Tis very fun. Then, Emma (little sister) and I had a public transportation adventure, because I had to pick her up from her private school in Wheaton, and she got to take the public bus for the first time. We bonded. Anyway, today is...
As it was a school day, as usual, nothing happened. Of course, it is 9/11, and that doesn't happen everyday. I remember what it was like that day, and I have the deepest sympathy for those who lost loved ones, and I fully suppost our country in all its just endeavors. HOWEVER, THIS WAR IN IRAQ IS WRONG!!!!! Just wanted to get that thought out there. Anyway, during lunch I had a secret mission which will be revealed in due time, but I won't talk about. I WILL talk about me playing Capture the Flag! Which is to say, I DID! And it was fun. I will play again tomorrow, but this time without shoes for better traction.
I hope that's enough for you to chew on.

PS: Jeff, the thing you are talking about is a Blogger thing. If you used Blogger, I could help you, but as you use the base and unversatile XANGA, I cannot help you. Come over to the dark side of BLOGGER, and then maybe I can do something.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 22:24     
I am still lazy. I'm at Bruno's house. The Folk Festival is tomorrow. That should provide ample fuel for a good posting.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:19     
I WOULD fly to CA for a Tool concert, if I had to!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:19     

It is the answer. I could make a long entry about my day now. Or I could not. NOT!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:18     
Tool's webpage doesn't list any tour dates, and Pollstar doesn't have anything for Tool OR Tricky. Is Tool just being their mysterious selves? Or is the Tricky page just GRIEVIOUSLY out of date?
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:34     

school sucks
School sucks. As usual. But I'm doing my homework, which is a good thing. Only...180 or so days to go...damn. The only thing I am looking forward to is next semester, I will most likely be playing bass for Jazz Band B. Hopefully on of my band nerd buddies will be in there, so I won't feel TOOOOOO dumb. But I have faith in my abilities, so there shouldn't be a problem. Anyway. In 12 days, this blog will be one year old. That's pretty cool. On that same day, A PERFECT CIRCLE RELEASES THEIR NEW ALBUM!!! That means Maynard can go back to Tool. Which is definitely good. Oooh, a Tool mystery for you to ponder upon: I asked Emma what she thought about NIN, and she said that they were ok, but she thought better trip-hop was Portishead. I didn't know what trip-hop was, but it was vaguely familiar, so I did what we all do when we don't know about something, I searched for "trip-hop" on Google. The first site looked as good as any, so I went there, and discovered why the term was familiar. There is a trip-hop artist named Tricky, and he is that black dude in the Tool video for Parabola. Naturally, being a Tool whore, I went digging on Tricky's homepage and found THIS news entry:
Album out now

Catch Tricky on tour with Tool
on the Southwest & West coast
dates beginning Oct. 28 th
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!? IS TOOL ON TOUR? The APC tour ends on September 30th, so Maynard would be free but I was under the impression that Tool wasn't going to tour before they made a new album. I think the key is the part about Tricky's album. If anyone knows when Tricky released his last album, PLEASE inform me! It's VERY IMPORTANT!
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:30     

Hi. I'm lazy. Deal with it.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 17:02     


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