d a r k s i d e

w e l c o m e t o t h e m a c h i n e

2.27.2003


Ughhh...I hate school. I hate the classes, I hate the timeframe. Ugh. I don't want to help Emma anymore. I just want to stay at home and play my bass and be warm, and sleep. SLEEP!!! I hate homework. I hate that I still like Nessa. I hate how she treats me. I hate how beautiful she is. I hate going to sleep. I hate waking up. I hate hating everything. I hate war. I hate ignorance. I hate snow. I hate not being able to control myself, and I hate having so much self control. I hate having to be GOOD all the time. I just want to hit someone. REALLY HARD. But I can't cuz I'd regret it. Yesterday I was full with the joy of life. Now today, I feel like this. Tomorrow, maybe I'll be full of anger and rage, and everyone will get pissed and blahblahblah... I'm out of words to say. Thoughts to think. I'm not myself. The little rational me in my head is spewing arguments to everything I say. I wonder what it's like to be schizophrenic? I wonder, if one day, I'll wake up, and be two people. I wonder if I'll recognize it. I wonder if schizophrenic people, before diagnosed, think, "oh, shit, I must be schizophrenic (yeah, i think you are too)." I dunno. My brain isn't empty yet. I'll stop when it is. EVERYTHING IS PROPAGANDA FOR SOMETHING. If girls tried, they could control the world. Nothing can really hijack your thoughts like a girl can. "My only love, sprung from my only hate." I hate English class too. I think the world would be better if everyone listened to Tool. Nothing they say is bad. I hate this winter, I wish it would go away. The most poetic thing I've ever said: "I need to climb until all i can think about is the ache in my arms, and forget about the ache in my heart." Guess who put it there? YOU DID!! I don't get it. What happened? I don't know. Oh, well, whatever, never mind. 50 cool points if you can tell me what song that last sentence was from. I wonder if this blog posty thing has a limit. That would be cool. But whatever. If you read all the way through this ├Žnima, then good job, but you have to get your own life, sweetie. I wonder if I sound like this in real life. We need more real people. Who don't hide their motives or feelings. Who are honest. I've come to a realization. I've said many times before, that with the advent of civilization and technology, homo sapiens has stopped evolving. But I was wrong. In reality, technology and civilization has only halted our physical evolution. Not to say we will regress, but we aren't going anywhere. Technology and civilization has in fact opened our full mental and psychic potential. Unfortunately, too many people don't see this. Things like this don't work unless EVERYONE wants to help. Like communism. Our good ideas make us vulnerable. But better vulnerable then valueless. The real people realize the above revelation. Spread the word, "bugger"!! Know that in truth, the world is a wondrous place, and that everybody deserves to live until their body goes. Nothing stops being interesting, and if you're bored, go for a walk. Find a cool bug, or an intesesting pattern in the sidewalk. Don't let love bring you down, it's supposed to lift you up. If it's not, it's not love. Get out. Stay outside, and feel the air. Go to the middle of a desert, and feel air untainted by human doings. Sleep on a mountain top. Good job, but get a life, sweetie. Spiral out.
posted by Xaq Rothman at 00:02     

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