d a r k s i d e

This has been quite an interesting new year's. Yesterday I went to Lizzi/Katie's new years thingie. I am probably not supposed to say that. It was fun, but there was something weird... I spent most of the time hanging out with Lizzi on the stairs, because we were both feeling kinda anti-social. Well, I won't say that, I was feeling kinda anti-social, and light-averse. And they kept turning on the TV. TV is a vast wasteland. And the crazy thing, we all watched the ball drop on TV. We just stopped what we were doing completely, and gave our brains to the tube. Ew. I hated that.

I revolve to keep my me in the face of mass media.

I think next new year's I'm just going to have a kickass time, let 2005 come, I don't care about a countdown or a ball dropping. Like at Weekends of Doom, in Alex's basement, there's no sense of time, no windows to see the sun rise, we go down at night, we come out, it's morning. Like magic. That's how new year's should be.

I revolve to periodically remove myself from the flow of time.

At one point, we all decided to go for a walk, but Jeff and I went the other direction and sat in the street and said and felt nothing important. I don't know why I did that. I wanted to go to the park. Jeff has some strange power over me. As do many other people.

I revolve to do what I want, regardless of some values I think I should have but don't really need.

We played Mafia and no one believed me when I said it was Sebastian, so the Mafia won. Failures. Lizzi and Monica and I went to the deck and reminisced about innocence and we decided we were going to play Peter Pan, and but no one else seemed very into it. So we went inside. I was gonna be Peter Pan. She was going to be my Wendy.

I revolve to never REALLY grow up. (Doesn't show in this entry, does it?)

Then Bruno and I went to my house and he slept over and I had a good dream. No, not that kind of dream. And this little kid who hangs out with my brother, this little fucker calls out house again and again, and when no one picks up, he calls again, and if you are trying to SLEEP this is a problem.

I revolve to sleep more.

My family had it's open house thing again. Lizzi, Jeff, Louis, Carter, Bruno, Katie, Emma, Will, and Sebi came. I TRIED to call Nessa, but her phone was busy ALL DAY. I bet if I called right now it would still be busy. Lizzi brought her camera so she could film Jeff and I rocking, and MAN did we rock. We played Freedom and Schism. It felt gooood. Then we went outside and we went to the creek and had an adventure but OH, Lizzi left her camera at the bridge and when we came back half an hour later it was GONE. We looked and looked, and I asked my parents and all of my siblings if they had seen it, and even various neighbors and guests, but we couldn't find it. I know it wasn't my fault, but I still feel responsible somehow, and I feel really terrible, and I wish I could undo everything and get it back. Damn, it's not even that important, but I'm freaking out anyway. I'm gonna go back out tomorrow and look for it (hopelessly, I'm sure, but a boy can dream, can't he?), when it's light. I shouldn't get my hopes up. Sorry, Lizzi!!!

I feel depressed. This has been a very angsty last few days. I don't know why. And I feel sick-ish and my parents are leaving for a few days, so I have to stay with various other people, and I don't really want to. I just want to lie in bed until school starts again. Or longer.

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